Things have been a little heavy around here of late so as a
way of lightening things up I thought I’d take the time out to introduce you to
a couple of friends of mine and consider their role in the world of popular
music. Meet Ruby and Donny – a couple of red-footed tortoises who happen to
live in my house. Well, that is they belong to the youngest Tin and spend half
their lives trying to escape from living in my house.
I’d be the first to admit that I wasn’t too sold on the idea
of a tortoise – its hardly a rock'n’roll pet is it ? I mean I can see the
appeal of walking down the road with a panther on a leash, cuddling a crocodile or even perhaps
keeping a wombat as a conversation piece (See the glorious Retronaut here)* but a tortoise – I mean
what do they do…? except live for an incredibly long while?
I was wrong of course and over the years have grown to love and respect these little Chellonians, they – anthropomorphically speaking – have such great personalities, they don’t say a lot but they do manage a fair bit of body language for an animal mainly encased in a hard shell. Strangely, and this is true, they respond to my voice and come over when called….OK I know you don’t believe it but its true, apparently they respond to the lower register so I’ve tried cheering them up by playing some dub to them – it seems like they appreciate the bass and are especially fond of Sly and Robbie.
I was wrong of course and over the years have grown to love and respect these little Chellonians, they – anthropomorphically speaking – have such great personalities, they don’t say a lot but they do manage a fair bit of body language for an animal mainly encased in a hard shell. Strangely, and this is true, they respond to my voice and come over when called….OK I know you don’t believe it but its true, apparently they respond to the lower register so I’ve tried cheering them up by playing some dub to them – it seems like they appreciate the bass and are especially fond of Sly and Robbie.
Troublesome? You’d think not, but Ruby here escaped at the
end of the summer – on my watch as well – never have I had a more panicky 48
hours searching before the kids returned. I sought her there I sought her here
to no avail, wanted posters went up around the streets and at the eleventh hour
the nice punky lady down the road found her in their garden…relief (and a
considerable reward paid out since I really was ready to shell out (sorry) for
a replacement that I might be able to pass off as the original).
But what of the tortoises role in rock n’roll ? Sadly my
research didn’t turn that much up – there’s the band Tortoise of course,
although they aren’t that much to my taste, there’s also a few folky type
songs about tortoises and hares (showing up the paucity of original ideas in
folk), but generally speaking they don’t feature on too many tracks. Turtles
on the other hand have a plethora of songs, and of course the band, named after
them. But we won't go there.
So the main contribution of the tortoise to musical history
has to be one of the strangest and finest covers by one of music's strangest and
finest lunatics/visionaries – I refer of course to Mr Julian Cope and his classic album
Fried – with Saint Julian labouring under a tortoise shell for a reason that
probably seemed like a very good idea to him at the time. Now you’re gonna tell
me it’s a turtle shell, just save it and let me believe !
As for songs – like I said not many – but this does give me
the excuse to post the following classic from The Cramps – suitably enough from
that wonderful album Songs The Lord Tortoise (possibly…).
You ain't no punk you punk....
* for the record I really don't like the idea of keeping big wild animals as pets...before the ALF start picketing the house....
