Friday, 10 August 2012

It's a four letter word...

          So, as Soul II Soul once said – back to life, back to reality…. and boy is it overrated…reality that is, Not Jazzie B and co. Now if you’ve come round these parts expecting an essay on what we did on our holidays then you’ll have to be patient – I’m still waiting for the camera back so I can put up a few pics of the more eclectic sights, it’s currently still with Ms Tin Too since she doesn’t have work to go to and is still there hopefully keeping her brothers out of mortal danger.

          But a brief reflection on what can only be termed the post-holiday come down. I don’t know about you but I’m deeply suspicious of those people who announce that they’re glad to be back at work after a holiday. Why ? I can only assume that they’re doing it wrong. I’ve had some holidays which didn’t go as planned, I’ve had some where it rained every day, I’ve had those ones where at the time it seems like hell, I’ve even had Withnail & I type deals where I want to scream ‘We’ve come on holiday by mistake!’ . But never ever have I had a first day back at work that made me glad to be there. This morning I had to grimly clutch each inch of the brass stair rail and pull myself up each and every one of the industrially nylon carpeted steps to where I knew there would be a computer and a meaningless pile of emails waiting for me. I doubt very much that anyone would really notice if I’d have had another few weeks off – quite honestly I wonder if they would really notice if I wasn’t there at all – if only I could work out some way of ensuring that they would continue to pay me.

          I’m no slacker – I’ve pretty much worked every day for the last twenty five or so years – but I’m sure that there must be a better way of organising things after holidays. No-one comes back in raring to go, refreshed by their sojourn in the sun, desperate to get the sand out of their shoes and get their head out of holiday mode. Well, some do, but like I said they’re probably not too clever at having holidays, a bit like the colleague we’ve all had who proudly announces that they were so busy this year they only took half of their leave entitlement….hey, sucker, wise up , you’re working for free and making the rest of us look bad into the bargain ! So anyway, since productivity is pretty minimal on days one two and three after a break (guess where I’m writing this…) why not do some sort of a phased return to work like some do after a long term illness – perhaps on day one I could show up just to confirm I didn’t fall off a cliff and then go home again, day two maybe do an hour where I answer inane questions about what I did on my holidays (nothing that I’m prepared to share with most of the people at work) and then on day three I could perhaps use the time to delete all the emails that came in whilst I was away and then have a long lie down with a beer. I’m sure it would help unemployment in some or other way too.

          But here I sit, still smelling faintly of woodsmoke from the last campfire, still with half the beach in my ears from the last wipeout, wondering why I have my feet encased in leather when I’ve been happily barefoot for nearly two weeks….ah the futility of it all. And now I’ve got to get through til next Wednesday – then it’s a very long weekend and off to a festival, oh the tyranny of work !

          Now Lee Dorsey, there's a man who knew a thing or two about work....

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